had to take two sick days in a row this week because of what i think is post-cst (state test)-disorder, aka strep.
being sick is a weird phenomenon. on one hand, it is awful, because you are medicated and drowsy and feel like you’ve just lived on skid row for the past month of your life.
but on the other hand, being sick affords you a lot of time. more time than you would have during your normal 9-5. it gives you a chance to catch up on — not so much on your “to dos” — but the contrary — on your “how are yous” and “i care about yous” with people you miss dearly but haven’t interacted with in a really, really long time. and it is ironic, because you should be taking care of these things BEFORE you get sick - but maybe that is what happens in this rat race of life. you say your how are yous and i care about yous when it’s so past when you really should be saying these things. (this is not okay.)
being sick also gives you a lot of time to think - and think after you read or read and think at the same time (whatever happens most naturally). it is really interesting because the few close girlfriends i have in this area always are giving me hardcore chick lit to read. and by hardcore chick lit, i mean things like “lean in” by sheryl sandberg and this book about the plight of asian-american women throughout the centuries. (WHY?)
all of this to say - one thing that i think is really missing from our churches is talking about sex. i bet reading that word alone makes you jump. it makes me jump. it’s so provocative! but how many girls have been silenced about talking about these things, real topics, real issues — issues THEY may be going through — because they were worried that their mothers would flinch? that their pastors would flinch? and why do we wait for modern age teenage girls to bring these things up when it’s too late in the game during a breakthrough small group meeting, or after the fact that they’ve disappeared from our churches out of shame, guilt, and betrayal? sex should be something we don’t flinch about. it’s not a topic that’s only limited for men! speak, people, speak! let’s talk candidly, proactively, vulnerably about these things.
thinking about these things makes me sad. i shall now step down from my heavily antibiotic-ated soapbox.
today is mother’s day. and as i was thinking about what i most appreciate about my mother, i have decided that it is really a no-brainer. both of my parents, really, are my fiercest prayer warriors. whenever i ask them to pray for me, i know that they will. really really hard. and there are no fake promises (like the ones i’ve made in years past to people), saying “i’ll pray for you!” but not doing it once you get to the four corners of your room. they will pray, and have prayed, for me and my brother in the early morning, day, and night. i love and appreciate them for that. there are no others like them for me in this world.
and as i was thinking about this at church, my heart hurt because i realized that so many of my kids at school don’t have that. who prays for the andres of this world, or the justins, or the treys? these are the boys who give us the most trouble and are growing up without moms or dads. so i prayed for andre at church today. and i want to pray for andre everyday. even though andre drives me up the wall and makes me want to discipline him via corporal punishment, andre needs love and a prayer warrior too. so i want to be that prayer warrior.
on an unrelated note, i was driving home from church and heard a song on the radio. it was a pop song, and it sounded good. warm and fuzzy, like “one tribe” by the black eyed peas. and about a minute or so in, it was only then that i realized that this song was about being tolerant of gay people when there was a particular verse that sounded weird. the song is called “same love” by macklemore.
anyway, it made me sad for our generation, and for the up and coming generation, because it really is all so confusing. this song even quoted the bible, saying “love is patient, love is kind.” i mean, who wouldn’t want to love this song? tolerance sounds so “in.” and if i didn’t know the gospel, i’d love this song, too.
we really need to preach truth to our children. they are going to need discernment to navigate this world. we will not always be there to protect them from the subtle and not so subtle debauchery of mtv and pop culture.
we also really need to pray for our children.
what a random sunday.
day one of six complete!
and our true racial stereotypes amongst our leadership team come out —-
asian principal: overbearingly looks over students’ shoulders while they’re testing, tells kids at afternoon assembly: “you all did really great. but be careful - if you think today is hard, wait until tomorrow. it’s gonna get harder! ARE YOU GONNA BE LAZY? DON’T BE LAZY!!!”
white assistant principal: does not enter testing rooms as frequently as asian principal in order to be sensitive to students’ testing environments; shocked that asian principal is not emotionally sensitive after the first day of testing and is challenging students during the assembly to not get lazy; gives an additional 5 minute pump up speech on how proud she is of every single one of them to bring back the warm and fuzzy
black assistant principal: pours invisible “holy oil” over students’ heads and mutters charismatic christian prayers outside each testing room while students are testing; whoops and hollers at anything that either the asian principal or white assistant principal says at the assembly
i wish somebody would make a dramedy of my life.
as i am researching potential bugs that could’ve bitten my school kids this week, i am in awe of the multitude of different bugs God has created. tiger flies, sand flies, vinegar flies, etc. etc. etc.
gross, but cool.
when i was little, i would often watch my dad get ready to go out to meet somebody at church who had been involved in some kind of petty drama in an attempt to help mediate the situation. i remember (in the third grade, no less) feeling really exasperated everytime i saw him because i just didn’t understand why he would keep giving people second, third, and fourth chances. but my dad would always tell me that one day I would understand.
nearly twenty years later, as I go out to mediate some of my school’s own drama between parents, I do. this life is always about “the one.” If there is an opportunity to love and the hope of seeing somebody change, I will bite the bullet, no matter how exasperated i still am, and take it. after all, who knows who will come to Christ because of that extra chance, that extra hug, or that extra mile.
my school is my spiritual battleground. and that is so real and pervasive this week.
God has been breaking an incredible amount of strongholds this week. kids who are stone-faced, jaded, and lie through their teeth have been brought to a place of repentance, of confession of their wrongdoings, and of sheer and utter brokenness.
families with children who have gone through - and are going through - severe sexual abuse are receiving healing, prayers, and the infrastructures and support they need.
co-workers who bitterly fought with one another are coming to a place of reconciliation.
but for every single stronghold God has been breaking down, there is JUST as much opposition that tries to usurp the amazing work that is happening. there is no doubt this is SPIRITUAL. and it is SO REAL.
there is severe parent to parent drama. there are cases of unacceptable and extreme neglect and SO many unethical sexual abuse cases that rip my heart in ways i didn’t think i could feel. there is discouragement. there is despair. and there is conflict. there are so many things that detract us from the mission.
God, we are trying to be soldiers.
and through the counseling, the mediating, and the endless listening of issues and fights and drama and pain - i want to scream. but what about US? why do we have to do this? i mean - who’s going to counsel ME? who’s going to mediate for ME? who’s going to listen to ME?
and then i realize - i never, ever fixed these people or fixed their problems to begin with. YOU were always their counselor. YOU were always their mediator. and YOU always helped your people feel like they were listened to.
right now, your soldiers are tired and need you. SO GOD - BE OUR COUNSELOR. BE OUR MEDIATOR. WE WILL POUR OUT OUR HEARTS TO YOU.
YOU ARE AT WORK. HELP US FIGHT THE WORK AGAINST US.
Lord, i come to you empty handed.
projectile vomiting and cleaning up poo poo in pants makes me NOT want to have children for a very, very, VERY long time.
i miss doing things like… going into the forest, playing sardines, scaring minj out of her miiiind, and just acting ridiculously. time is passing, but we aren’t old! live young! love Jesus! have fun!
(preaching to myself)
i would like to katniss the world.
